When Patrick and I started the process to adopt from Vietnam, we were excited to find out how young many of the babies being referred were. In fact, we were hoping that our baby would be no more than a couple of months old. We didn't want to miss anything with our child and we were also concerned about attachment issues of an older baby. At referral, Anh was only 5 months old and without medical issues, so we accepted him immediately. I am ashamed to say it, but when I found out that other families were being referred 2 month old babies, I was jealous. I really started buying into the idea that at 8 or 9 months, Anh might be too old! And I thought this knowing that the child we adopt from China will likely be much older. Sad, sad, sad. However, now I have no regrets! Eight months is a perfect age - Anh is curious, independent, learning to crawl and stand, fun to play with, interactive! But what does this all have to do with attachment?
When we first picked Anh up, he didn't smile too much and would just allow anyone to pick him up. Our first dinner out with Anh, the wait staff whisked Anh away and played with him while we ate - to his delight. He was fine when Patrick or I would hold him and care for him, but mostly he was just indifferent. Over the past week and a half everything has changed! Anh loves to play and is mostly a very happy baby, only getting cranky when he is hungry or really tired. And he would rather be in my arms than anyone else's. Today, we went back to that original restaurant for lunch and again the women offered to hold Anh while we ate. Within 5 minutes of being away from us, Anh was inconsolable - of course until he was brought back to my arms! A week ago, Anh would have rather been in any Vietnamese woman's arms than mine, now he reaches out for me when someone else is holding him. I think he is very attached - and even actively so!
These are definitely the little joys of motherhood in adoption. Now, I just have to work on getting him to sleep without having to be rocked in my arms.......
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2 comments:
Keeping those worried to yourself, were you? No reason to be ashamed-the attachement thing is a serious concern, from what I understand. I'm glad it worked out so well with Anh/Quinn-you need to pick one! ;)
Our daughter was 13 months old when we met her (in China) and would not let me hold her for the first three days. So yes, the older the child the harder it is on them. She was also with a foster family for 11 months so she really was grieving. I am happy to report she is now the happiest child in the world
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